I AM not sure what are more annoying – mobile phones, dogs or teenagers.

In the middle of my very busy Friday afternoon, the Teen rang me on my mobile.

Unfortunately, I answered.

“Mum, you have to come home now The dog is really ill, he has messed everywhere and I mean everywhere.

“It’s disgusting. I have nowhere to eat my cake apart from the bathroom, where he hasn’t been.”

“Is the dog OK?”

“He's got a terrible stomach, he’s lying down, the house stinks so bad. Help me.”

“Calm down. Open the doors and windows and find the mop. I’ll be home in an hour or so."

And I hung up before any more doom was passed on.

When I finally got home, the dog greeted me normally, but the Teen had been correct, there was mess everywhere – up the stairs, on every floor in every room – including our bedrooms, from which he is banned. And he knows it.

The Teen had failed to follow the instructions and all the windows and doors were still shut – despite the terrible stench in 30C.

She was sitting calmly on the edge of the bath in a gentle breeze and asked what time would I be finished cleaning as I was to take her to a friend’s barbecue. Not funny.

“I was going to clean up mum, but I couldn’t find the mop and I didn’t know what number to put the washing machine on.”

Five bleach bottles and several wash loads later, and my delicate fingers worn to the bone, the house was as clean as a sparkly new pin.

Then I took the treacherous dog to the vet (he was due to spend Saturday at my mother’s and she would not be impressed if there was a repeat performance in her manicured house).

As if he hadn’t caused enough mayhem already, not liking the vet’s he then refused to get out of the car.

Two nurses and I were forced to lift a 30kg pig doing a great impression of a dead weight from the boot.

The vet gave him a shot and a pat on the head and told me he had gastroenteritis.

If you want a quiet life, don't get a dog, teach your child how to clean and never give a teenager a mobile phone.