Old-fashioned bonfire night

You must remember those Guy Fawkes nights in the days before our local authorities got all watery-eyed about health and safety.

Building their own bonfires? Lighting their own sparklers? Making their own cider? That will never do.

Well The Teen and I were transported back to the 70s when we ventured out to a tiny village display to share Bonfire Night with our friends.

The village is so small that even my dad has never heard of it (and he likes to think he knows every nook and cranny in this county and the next).

When we finally arrived my friend announced that we had to squeeze her overstuffed, man-sized astronaut dummy – complete with balloon head and space rocket – plus the Boy (her child) and fat dog into the Getz along with The Teen and me and drive to a field.

It was a nightmare to say the least to get everyone in but we managed it.

There were just three Guys to be judged. One looked like a strange transvestite with a football head, on which an A4 printed picture of Arsene Wenger was stuck – for what reason I’m not quite sure.

The other was a hideous creation, you know the sort of thing – granny’s stockings filled with newspaper, wearing an oversized coat and a turnip for a head.

They were great.

Later in the evening, three men – it took three of them – set light to the bonfire, on which all three guys and three chairs were perched.

The bonfire finally burst into flames, much to the delight of the children, who were inches away from the flames, while their parents frantically brushed off the embers that were landing on their coats.

Meanwhile gallons of spiced cider and hundreds of burgers were sold for pennies.

And the fireworks? Well, they may not have been as showy as those at the Olympics opening, but they had stamina.

It was all very pagan. And all very satisfyingly incorrect and very 1970s.

Obviously there does need to be awareness of safety at such events, and there was here – it just wasn’t over-awareness.

It was a community bonfire night that gave us a taste of the past, and let’s just hope the health and safety squad leave it well alone.

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