A CLOSE friend of mine has just been told she needs a life-changing operation because she is teetering on the brink of developing cervical cancer.

She is beautiful. She is 30. She has been married for nine years. She has one son. She wanted three children. She is scared and she is crying.

What has made everything worse for my friend is the reaction from some people to her devastating news.

She recounted some of the comments that several people have made to her.

These include: “That’s associated with promiscuity isn’t it?”

“Have you been unfaithful?”

“Has hubby been unfaithful?”

“Oh dear, your poor little boy will be an only child.”

Unbelievable, isn’t it?

No she isn’t and never has been promiscuous. Neither has her husband. Yes, she had regular smears but she has a very rare type of the disease which shows false negatives and yes, she is crying for the children she will now never have.

Let me list the things that may increase your risk of cancer: Smoking, eating too much, drinking alcohol, sunbathing, drinking coffee (or not drinking coffee depending on which edition of the Daily Mail you choose to read). Having children, not having children, eating tomatoes, not eating tomatoes, diet drinks, full-sugar drinks, any food with an ‘o’ in it, waterskiing...

The advice, often contradictory, comes thick and fast. Yes, we can choose healthier lifestyles in the hope that we avoid this hideous disease but being a puritan is no guarantee that we will.

We all know of non-smokers with tumours in their lungs and beautiful young mothers with mastectomies.

Blaming the victim is unfair, unnecessary and cruel when they are already processing the psychological line between life and death.

My friend will live. And in time this horrible chapter in her life will close and she will gather her strength and her love for life to live it once again, albeit with new hopes and dreams.

In the meantime, though, please let’s stop the blame game.

No one chooses cancer.

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