My killer kitty's pressie does not fill me with joy

According to the Daily Mail, adventurous felines are catching the disease when they explore badger setts or come into contact with rodents who do the same.

Bunkum.

I think this new information has suddenly come to light to inspire fear in the breasts of a nation of cat lovers, so people back badger culling - a neat trick.

Apparently there are about 25 cases of TB in cats each year, so why are we suddenly hearing about it now?

When I first read these claims, my first reaction was: “Does this mean my cats will have to be shot, just like the poor badgers?” followed by: “If so, can my two be first in the queue?”

I don’t know why I have been lumbered with them anyway. The former LOML bought them.

How can anyone truly love cats, when all they do is eat, sleep and kill?

Imagine my horror last night, as I pulled back my duvet to fall into a dreamy and peaceful sleep in my bed of feathers, when I found a dead wood mouse UNDERNEATH my duvet with its HEAD on my crisp, white pillow. Cringe.

I had no idea that cats have the dexterity in their paws to tuck something up under the covers. It’s not clever, just gross.

Apparently this was a gift. Thanks. The so-called gift forced me to change my bed (my least favourite domestic chore) twice in one day. Brilliant.

What I should have done is taken the mouse to the vet, along with cats, muttering things about a badger sett in my garden, TB and put down.

But of course I didn't. The Teen would be gutted. And the dog would be lonely. And my house would be overrun with vermin. Living ones scuttling about nibbling stuff rather than dead ones placed Mafia-style in my bed.

So the cats live to see another day.

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