I AM the proud owner of a tiny pitch in a giant vintage warehouse.

My friend and I have taken it upon ourselves to sell reupholstered furniture, up-cycled wooden furniture and clothes from past decades, (mostly 50s and 60s), with the odd Banksy thrown in.

The beauty of this pitch is that my friend and I can go about our daily lives without the burden of becoming Del Trotter morning, noon and night.

All we have to do is make our pitch look pretty and keep it full of stuff.

And, strangely, despite spending every spare minute I can painting, sanding and gluing or rooting out my fab frocks from the loft, the only thing that I have been neglecting is the ironing pile.

However, now word has got around about my venture, well-meaning folk keep ringing me to say they have loads of things that I might like for my stall -and then they bring black bin liners bursting with mysterious knick-knacks that are neither use nor ornament.

And then I look at my original Mary Quant dresses, or my flouncy ‘50s numbers and I fall in love with them all over again and decide I cannot bear to be parted from them, not even for cash.

So I end up setting aside various second-hand garments that either don’t fit or I no longer love.

On Saturday, I realised my dreams of a rockabilly-esque, stylish pitch had been dashed as I turned up with my car stuffed with golf clubs, various bits of china, some bellows, cricket pictures, a couple of items of Victorian furniture and a dizzying array of Topshop and H&M dresses circa 2012.

Brilliant. It looks like I am holding a static car boot sale.

The only thing going for my pitch is that I have painted a screen a brilliant white, ready and waiting for my pieces of art once I shift the 1833 cricketing pictures. I am not hopeful. One portrait is of a cricketer who looks exactly like Osama Bin Laden.

Who’s going to pay £25 for that? I will have to reduce the prices.

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Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here