Why baking is not to all tastes

I have had some sort of malaise that has prevented me from making the crumble I had planned. I think it is the boredom of slaving over a hot stove every day.

I like cooking when I have time, a plan and food in the house.

I dislike cooking when I have just walked in from work to be faced by one hungry dog, two ravenous cats and one demanding teen – all wanting food.

I am not a magician.

Anyway I made the crumble on Saturday. It was divine – almost heavenly, even if I do say so myself.

I like to think I am an OK cook despite being unable to measure anything since I gave my old Salter scales to my mum one Mother’s Day (I was skint at the time and couldn’t fork out on a new set.) The farmer type turned up, probably able to smell the brandy, nutmeg and cinnamon.

“What are you making?”

“Apple crumble. Would you like some?”

After finishing two massive bowls, he piped up: “Would you like some helpful criticism?”

“Err no,” I said, wondering who he thought he was, Gordon Ramsey?

“There is too much nutmeg or cinnamon in it.”

“The last time I looked you were wearing a pea green industrial onesie, which has to be specially made for giants, not an apron,” I retorted.

I noticed that all my spice had not stopped him bolting down a third bowl several hours later.

The next evening, he rang.

“I’ve been cooking. I’m making green tomato chutney and sloe gin.

“Have you any spare green tomatoes?”

I suppose making chutney or gin is more man-cooking than say, bringing out the pastel-coloured Magimix for cupcakes.

Anyway, keen to try his concoction, I arrived with a handful of tomatoes.

I almost choked to death after a single taste.

I gasped for air as I said: “Would you like some helpful criticism?

“There is WAY too much spice in that chutney. It will kill.”

So much for his purported sensitivity to spices.

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