OVER the last few days, or maybe weeks, my life has felt a bit chaotic.

I won't bore you with all the details, but I am spending much of my time driving between Ringwood, Brockenhurst and Salisbury, clearing up after the Teen and the Sitting Tenant (Dad) who moved in 15 months ago for "two weeks" and is still here and clearly neither of them are able to put a loo roll in the holder or clean the bath.

Meanwhile my ironing pile is seriously getting out of hand and to top it all, the dog seems depressed, the thin cat is becoming vicious and his fat brother, the compulsive eater, has polished off almost a week's food in one day.

I have had a string of Good Ideas that I need to express on paper, but every time I reach for my pad I can't find any space to write my ideas down amid shopping lists, chores and domestic Things to Do.

Then I forget my original and clearly brilliant ideas.

I NEED time to think, to formulate, to create, to focus without the mind-numbing chores of domestic duty interfering with my thoughts.

I need a wife.

Husbands are good for pruning shrubbery, screwing various items into walls and buying you shoes.

But I need a wife, someone to take care of Everything Else.

I mean, Shakespeare had Anne Hathaway and Dickens had his beloved Catherine.

I BET that while Shakey was in the middle of a sonnet, he wasn't disturbed by family members wanting to know where their vests or shoe horns were.

And I will wager the same applied to Dickens - who would have been far more engrossed with the underclass.

When I moan to Mother, all she does is say, J K Rowley. Thanks.

Certain people keep telling me that the Teen is an able-bodied 16-year old, who does not need me like she used to.

And that the Sitting Tenant, who is also allegedly able-bodied (despite being in his 70s) should be capable of domestic duty.

Well, the Teen needs me more than ever - for guidance through first love, a new college and the rollercoaster that comes with being a teenager.

And the Sitting Tenant seems to crave constant company, just like the dog.

Three words are currently springing to mind.

University. Care Home.

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