Bate needs to change her old and battered Getz

For me, getting from A to B safely and relatively cheaply has been my priorities.

My only prerequisite is that the stereo is loud and has enough bass to drown out any strange engine noises, dull conversations and propels me into a world of rock fantasy.

I have grown a skin so thick it drowns out the non-stop moaning and groaning from the Teen about the embarrassing Getz, an actual make and model not a euphemism.

Anyway in Thursday I was lucky enough to be offered a 24 hour test drive of a Fiat 500 twin air turbo sport convertible.

The only negative was the colour. It was metallic blue.

"Does it go 0-60 in less than ten seconds?" I asked. You see I have garnered a bit from Top Gear.

"Put it this way, your car will only do 0-60 if you pushed it off a very high cliff."

How droll.

I happily jingled the keys, beaming as he marched off to hide the Getz at the back of his forecourt into some sort of compound.

"It's not that bad. I thought it looked quite good next to those brand new cars at the front," I laughed.

"What colour is it? Rust?" The man said, clearly failing at funny.

"Look, it's a bit grubby because I live down a muddy lane."

"So would I if I drove that. A lane a mile long without a single dwelling on it."

I tossed my hair and jumped in the Fiat, roaring out of the garage.

With a single flick of the switch, the roof had rolled back, Herby-style, and the car purred at 75 as I drove home.

Usually is anyone ever looks at me when I'm driving the Getz, it is only to point and mock.

But oh how different things were in the Fiat.

A black BMW sidled up to me when I was driving on the A31 with the Teen.

"Oh god, what is that car doing next to us?" I asked the Teen. "I can't see who's in there, the windows are tinted?"

"I think they are checking us out Mum. They will drive on when they see that you are very old indeed."

Brilliant.

The following day my Mum, who can usually be relied upon for her voice of doom concerning my finances, came over for a walk.

We took the Fiat. She liked it.

"I want one of these cars, I love it."

"Well yours has done rather a lot of miles." It has. Its done nearly 125000, but it has never broken down.

So that afternoon I waltzed into the showroom.

"I'm not leaving until I buy one, exactly the same but in red or black, oh and the payments have to be less than £160 a month and the Getz will have to be the deposit."

The man choked on his coffee.

"Look I can only give you £250 for the Getz. It's done a million miles and realistically is worth about 50p. I'm being generous."

Turns out the red one is on a three month waiting list anyway.

So now the number one thing on my To Do List, is to find a 0.9 Fiat 500C twin air turbo sport in red.

And I don't care that this means the Teen and I will starve and the animals will have to fend for themselves in the wilderness.

I just love that car.

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