MAYBE it's because I have become suddenly middle aged.

Or maybe it's because I spend more time in woods, yards and building sites than shops or plush buildings with air con that I am fast becoming more fashion disaster than diva.

Only the other day my esteemed colleague remarked on my appearance.

"You used to wear headscarves, lipstick and lashes. What's happened to you?"

"Life. I am very busy, in fact the only time I relax is when I am sleeping, which incidentally is for about a micro minute a night. My eyes are so heavy that it's a miracle I can even apply moisturiser."

"Well Bate. You do it to yourself. I don't know anyone who buy a wreck of a house, that has no running water or mains gas or even a phone, without funds and where are you going to live when its being sorted? I mean, even the builder you've roped in sounds like a character and a half."

"Don't go on at me. Some things can't be helped."

He got up from our newsroom celebratory table at the Indian eat-as-much-as-you-like-until-you-collapse Buffet.

All I could see was the pair of tight, knee-length white shorts he was sporting.

"What the hell are they?" I almost choked on my mango juice.

"You look like you are going to the bowling green."

His wife, who is very witty indeed, said: "That's exactly what I told him before we came out."

"And your shoes," I laughed. "Are they wedges?"

"Oh very funny. These shorts are Lauren and these are Nike trainers. You know, pretty cool. Your brother would know all about it, unlike you. You have clearly been living in a barn for the last couple of years. In fact, that's why you look like Wurzel Gummidge."

"Well at least I don't have poverty stricken and limbless Indian children on my conscious."

This morning, I spent at least 30 mins trying not to blind myself as I applied lashes, I even found an old tube of lip gloss at the bottom of my drawer.

Unfortunately, I could not find my scarves among the packing boxes and then I realised they had been used for emergency cat bedding anyway.

Anyway, by Christmas my life will hopefully be calm and I can spend my days in beauty salons and Topshop once again.