IF Wiltshire really is the fifth best council in the country, there’s only one question to ask, isn’t there?

What on earth are the others like?

The council has been glorying in the solemn judgement of the Daily Telegraph that homeowners here enjoy “the benefit of good local service”.

Hoots of derision appear to be the taxpaying public’s response.

“A tidal wave of negativity” was how one reader accurately summed up the comments on the Journal’s Facebook page about the Telegraph’s verdict.

Another asked whether the survey had been carried out by the Chuckle Brothers.

Actually, the Telegraph article amounted to nothing more than a couple of sentences of risible editorial providing a figleaf for high-end estate agents advertising some extremely pricey properties.

“It is a fabulous area,” gushed Rupert Sturgis, of Knight Frank Chichester, according to the paper. Chichester? Note to Telegraph editor: That’s in West Sussex. Mr Sturgis is based in Cirencester. That’s not in Wiltshire, either.

“The county council has worked closely with Malmesbury (two-bedroom terraced houses in the town sell for under £160,000) council and surrounding villages to draw up a plan for future development,” Rupert burbled on in his efforts to interest us in a Grade II-listed six-bedroom farmhouse for a mere £2.25million.

Well, he should know, since his father is based in Wiltshire, and is the cabinet member in charge of strategic planning and development management.

I don’t have space here to repeat the reasons I’ve given in previous columns for my opinion that the unitary authority hasn’t done us much good in the south.

But I will just draw to your attention the fact that Wiltshire’s about to unleash another of its so-called ‘public consultations’ on us. What’s it about this time? New parking charges.

I wonder whether the day will ever come when parking charges are listed in a national newspaper under the heading ‘All the good things Wiltshire’s done for its taxpayers’?

n OH joy! Oh bliss! This is better than Strictly!

I can barely contain my excitement. As I write, I’m also watching the first live internet broadcast of a Wiltshire Council meeting.

I shouldn’t mock. Webcams do at least offer us a way of keeping tabs on what they’re up to in Trowbridge without having to make the epic journey across the Plain. Now the members are settling into their seats. Now Cllr Roy White is telling them that this is “history in the making” which will “help enhance the transparency” of decision-making and that if the fire alarm goes off it won’t be a practice drill, it’ll be the real thing.

Do you know, if you are unavoidably detained by urgent business and don’t want to miss an episode of this enthralling entertainment, you can watch it on catch-up for six months afterwards?

And you can shout at them from the privacy of your own home.

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