You see, I was feeling extremely guilty.

It wasn’t so much the slight discomfort that one had committed an act of questionable behaviour. Instead, I’d been carrying around the insider knowledge that a heinous crime had been committed.

Christmas. And not feeling quite ‘into’ it all.

About 3 months’ ago, the incredibly loyal leisure centre that I attend (imagine being faced with a dressed up snow woman* at 7.20am this cold and frosty morning?) (I thus write ‘loyal’ as they put up with me versus the other way round), had a Christmas tree in its foyer. Cunning, I thought. Why not get into the Christmas spirit a season too early? However, it was in aid of advertising its special Christmas parties. Earlier this month, another Christmas tree replaced the slightly dwarfed one. This time, there were real baubles (and who invented that word anyway?).

Similarly, out of the blue, overnight, a certain coffee shop turns ‘red’ (and marks up their prices in the festive spirit). Wise marketing ploy. It’s Christmas. Why not bring on new festive cups and an extra 5p to the total of one’s hot beverage? Bring on the credit crunch.

And then, there are the shops, the chit-chat, the organization, and the discussion where one will go, with whom. No-one ever answers the question, ‘Why?’ I think that there’s a phrase which says, ‘As that is how it is done. Lump it or leave it.’ Or, get a grip, get a life.

Now, I’m obviously appearing very ‘baa humbug’ about the whole thing. It’s just ….. Well, I not that into it.

Seriously. Would it sound absolutely outrageous to say that I don’t want to get stressed out by all the things that I should be doing but am not? Would it be too awful for words to admit that I really am enjoying everyday life? And, if I were given a choice between making paper chains and exploring some yogic principle (hello, world), I would choose the latter? Err.

Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that it’s drawing towards the end of the year. And sometimes, one has a gut instinct that one has more to do. One’s purpose for 2009 hasn’t run out yet. Maybe I am just trying to slow down Father Christmas’ reins to his sleigh and requesting a deal. Could you possibly delay Christmas for just a few more days?

For, truth be told, I love Christmas. I love the fact that time stops still. The world evolves on a slower peg. There is time to be. There is time to be with those (that you’ve chosen, of course) and time to meander alone. I tend to do that a lot. I like to step back and allow my brain to assimilate the present. There is a special gift that is given if one chooses to receive it.

I think that the guilt is now subsiding. Of course, I do have a few things to wrap, some cards to make and decorations to attend to. But, that will be it. I will not get swamped with THE LIST. Instead, I have chosen another way to celebrate. I will join in with the festivities at hand and simply thrive on what is before my very eyes.

Ps. Have a really wonderful Christmas!

*I was muffled up like a Michelin woman.