I don't quite understand something.

I have been 33 years' old now for over a week. It's brilliant; I have been alive for longer days than I can count on my finger-tips. However, the downside is that my life is shortening by the minute. That's a really morbid thought.

Plus, I am putting myself through an event which is terrifying me. I don't know why I am doing this but I am having a party, a birthday party, in fact this week-end.

Why am I doing this?

When I was younger, I had annual birthday parties. Each celebrated the milestone of growing, learning and developing. Every child in the class was invited (it was a fabulous way to ensure that I received many gifts). There were games, magicians and party food. When I got to the 'icky' stages of adolescents, celebrating birthdays became more of an 'event' or an 'outing'. If I'm being honest, these didn't work so well. There wasn't the fun or the anticipation of hoards of little people entering one's own domain as well as being the sole focus of attention for approximately 2.5 hours. (Could you let me know of the best birthdays that you've ever had?)

I've not had a party for 3 years. The last one I held was very impromptu, held in part, to meet and greet relative strangers where I had just moved to. Happily it was my birthday; I received two whole cakes (unbelievable), masses of cards and presents (again, unbelievable) and there was dancing. There was dancing with 'my kind of music' ...... there was even a dance off*. (I think that Miss Ruby won).

However, now that I am fully ensconced in my new home (I've changed locks and doors, gateways, colour of cats as well as the alarm system to deter the owners from returning), I do think that it is time. Time for the party to begin. Well, let's rephrase that. It's time for the party to begin, with other people. There have been nightly parties here (I am very good at playing Twister and have only visited A&E twice) but I think it's time to branch out. People make quite interesting parties. After all, as one friend kindly reminds me, 'Rach, what song shall we play? I know ..... All By Myself .....'.

Back to the party. I've sent out invites. I've bribed relative strangers from the street. I've put up a billboard, displaying the event. I did this about three weeks' ago. And on Saturday, all being well, I will be hosting a social gathering. But, before that, there is so much to do ..... there's cleaning. There's catering. There's finding liquid substances for all to indulge in. I'm even planning and plotting games (beware). I'm even considering what kind of music to play. (That didn't take long).

I won't dwell on that point.

I also have forgotten (but have had a quick wake-up call now) that each person, brave enough, to step over my threshold, doesn't know what they are in for ..... Poor people. What am I subjecting them to?

My sister is an Events' Manager. She organizes many occasions, hosting many parties. With each minute that passes by, I respect her more. (I hope she reads this).

However, there is one point that is totally confounding me. This birthday party is suppose to be fun. And I'm a little unsure as to whether I'm feeling upbeat, relaxed or horizontal about the whole encounter. On a scale of 1-10, I would say that I am on 3. But, I have 48 hours in which to start to enjoy this ..... and whatever happens on Saturday night, it will be a surprise. Often, there's no point in planning and 'one' has to just let life unfold. And in many ways, that is the best way to live.

* A dance off is a competition between individuals. Judges are impartial to competitors and points are awarded strictly on the amount of unique and outrageous dancing involved.