PERSONALLY, I can’t wait for Brexit. Once sceptical, I am now convinced that we need to take back control. Here is my list of key powers that need to be included in our negotiations:

Pocket money should be a fixed amount with a clear list of what it covers. I remember distinctly from my childhood that everyone I knew got more than I did. I vowed that, were I to become a parent, my children would not suffer the same fate. Yet I am accused of the very crime under which I suffered so grievously. My suggestion that my son use his pocket money to buy the odd birthday present, computer game or sweets is greeted with the assertion that for everyone else these are parentally sponsored add-ons.

Instead of wasting its time on free trade, the government urgently needs to obtain a UK ‘computer time directive’ that will apply to all school children. My belief that too much time on a computer is bad for you is frequently challenged. Again, in comparison with other parents I am recalcitrant; every other child has more computer time and stays online later.

I am anticipating a signed UK agreement about bedtimes. Again it appears I am out on a limb insisting on a much earlier bedtime than his mother or any of his friends.

Recent discussions have highlighted the need (for playground harmonisation purposes) to establish a uniform rate for tooth fairies. For many years, I have been operating under the false impression that tooth fairies were paid a uniform rate of £1 per tooth, however current rates vary wildly from a miserly 50p to an inflationary £2. We need to end this destructive, competitive tooth market and reinstate restrictive practice.

We appear to have adopted a European directive that determines that, at the first sign of sun, we wear clothing clearly more suited for European climes – short shorts, cropped tops, T-shirts, sandals etc. While this may be attractive on bronzed Mediterraneans, it is completely unsuitable for blindingly white bodies that have been cocooned throughout a rain-soaked winter under several layers of thermal clothing. This combined with the UK obesity crisis makes early summer days visually challenging. We need to reclaim some semblance of decent attire and free ourselves from the shackles of the Euro Summer Undress Code.

Finally, while European café culture may be appropriate for Europe, the myriad coffee shops that spew out on to the streets of Salisbury present a miserable spectacle: smokers and dog walkers huddling together while the rain teems down on the umbrellas overhead, drowning out conversation. Brexit needs to see us either able to reclaim control of our weather or determine that seats outside cafés are only put out on sunny days.