THERE is a saying that the average person will see a doctor twice a year but needs a farmer three times a day. I have the utmost respect for farmers and am passionate about British farming.

Technically, I am known as a smallholder, but the reality is that I am virtually clueless.

I have been keeping pigs on and off for about two years. I started off in a little community share project and eventually, over time, I have kept them on a more solomanaged basis. But every day is a school day.

The reason for the pig keeping is that I have a small plot of land by my rented house that is suitable for a vegetable garden.

Two years ago it was completely overgrown and a gardener quoted me £2,000 to clear it. A pig weaner, depending on the breed, is between £35 and £60, and in three months they will clear the land, and fertilise it as well. Then, of course, I get the added advantage of locally sourced meat, so I know exactly what it has eaten and also that it has been slow grown.

The problem is not the pigkeeping but finding the time to create a vegetable garden.

What tends to happen is the pigs clear the land. I don’t do the vegetable garden, the land over grows and I need to get more pigs. The thing about almost amateur pig keeping is that sometimesyou make foolish decisions.

Last week, I decided to move the pigs and thought the plot was secure so didn’t create a completely enclosed area for them.

My aunt then drove past our house last week and discovered one of the pigs casually trotting down the centre of the road. After she alerted me, I ran out to discover they had both escaped. I managed to herd the first pig off the road into a neighbouring field, where I began chasing it. My aunt phoned our pig farmer friends for advice, who promptly said ‘don’t chase them’.

The ex, who was visiting and helping me shift logs in preparation for the winter suggested, we might be able to tether them and so tried a lasso. I was in fits of laughter. Eventually, we brought a trailer into the field and the menfolk - by now I had managed to find some more neighbourly help - go off in search of fencing.

In the meantime, I managed to lure the pigs into the trailer with my dulcet tones and some pig nuts. By the time the men returned, I was triumphant, with two pigs in trailer and the door shut and locked. I am now officially the pig whisperer.